


Atoms Joined So Tight

by 2ne4 (17826)



Category: Big Bang (Band), His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
Genre: Alternate Universe, Covers predebut era to now, Dæmons, GDYB is otp or brotp however u wanna interpret it go for it, M/M, Mild Smut, because I have no self control
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-04
Updated: 2016-01-04
Packaged: 2018-05-11 14:38:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5630026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/17826/pseuds/2ne4
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>" 'The worst breach of etiquette imaginable' is for a human to touch another person's dæmon; even in battle, most soldiers would never touch an enemy's dæmon, though exceptions can be made (such as between lovers)." - Dæmon (His Dark Materials), Wikipedia</p>
            </blockquote>





	Atoms Joined So Tight

**Author's Note:**

> "Dæmons are the external physical manifestation of a person's 'inner-self' that takes the form of an animal. Dæmons have human intelligence, are capable of human speech—regardless of the form they take—and usually behave as though they are independent of their humans. Pre-pubescent children's dæmons can change form voluntarily, almost instantaneously, to become any creature, real or imaginary. During their adolescence a person's dæmon undergoes "settling", an event in which that person's dæmon permanently and involuntarily assumes the form of the animal which the person most resembles in character. Dæmons and their humans are almost always of different genders. [...] 'The worst breach of etiquette imaginable' is for a human to touch another person's dæmon; even in battle, most soldiers would never touch an enemy's dæmon, though exceptions can be made (such as between lovers)." - Dæmon (His Dark Materials), Wikipedia

Matchuda was trying to be as soft as she could while comforting Daesung , shifting from being a fluffy cat to a rabbit to a small monkey , squirming onto his lap and reaching one hand up to touch his face.

"Don't worry Daesunggie," she said as her heart ached for them both. "He'll come around, and we'll be up and off to Seoul for an audition soon enough. When we get in, he'll come around."

Despite his tears, Daesung sniffed out a small laugh. "When we get in." His arms relaxed and moved to curl around her soft body, and she wrapped her tail around his wrist. "I don't think it's a when, Chuda, I think it's an if."

She shoved gently at his chest with her small hands. "What are you talking about you fool? Your voice will get us anywhere." A watery smile crept into Daesung's face and the constant trickle of tears subsided. "Dad's just gunna take a while to get used to it. But it'll happen eventually. When we're living the idol life, they'll be so proud."

 

The matter was dropped while they got ready for bed, cleaning teeth and showering. Matchuda stayed as a monkey, hanging by her tail from the curtain rail so she could hand him shampoo and shower gel. When they were curling up under the covers, having turned off the light, Daesung spoke again.

"You better settle on a beautiful form one day 'Chu, cause I sure haven't. Guess I'll have to audition for YG, apparently they don't look at beauty." He said seriously. "Idols need talent and beauty and you're going to have to hold up the visual end of that."

"Maybe I'll be a butterfly then, or a fox." She said teasingly, starting again on their favourite game of guessing what she would settle as. "Or a bird of paradise of some description."

"A snow leopard?" Daesung said hopefully.

"Just because you have a crush on Jo Sungmo doesn't mean I have to be a permanent reminder of your teenage wet dreams." She hissed, batting his face with her tail, ignoring that she also thought the big cat dæmon was the most beautiful she'd ever seen. "Maybe I'll be an orangutan, just to spite you. Or a pug. I'd like to see the boy with the pug dæmon try and debut."

"We'll debut whatever happens," he replied with sudden fervour. "It's all I'm ever going to want. Singing could make us and so many other people happy and we're gunna do it. No matter what dad says." As he gripped her fur, Matchuda felt a sudden tingle wash right from the tip of her tail up to the top of her spine. For a second, her whole body felt like it was made of static electricity. "I'm gunna audition and I'll pass, just you see Chuda. I'm gunna pass no matter what you or I look like."

It took a few seconds for Matchuda to remember how to speak, and when she did, her voice sounded shocked and full of pride.

"I'm pretty sure I know what I'm going to look like when we do audition."

In the half-light, Daesung turned to her in awe. He seemed to need no other explanation to know what had just happened, even thought they were years younger than the earliest case they'd heard of. Matchuda would be the first settled dæmon in the whole year at school. When they finally auditioned, YG would know exactly who and what they were in one glance.

"Oh Chuda..." He whispered, stroking a hand down her tail and letting her grip one finger in her hands. "You're beautiful." They both knew monkey dæmons were not considered among the pretty or desirable ones, and they had been counting on her settling as something pretty or desirable for their idol career, but suddenly it didn't matter. She had a useful tail, and people with monkey dæmons usually did pretty well on variety. Tomorrow, they would look through the big encyclopaedia downstairs and find out what type of monkey she was so they could register her, and on the eventual audition sheet they could write in her details along with his own. Together they smiled, and Daesung spent his last few minutes of wakefulness memorising her every detail in this final form until he fell asleep.

 

***

 

Seunghyun was used to being stared at because of Seungin. People asked after her so often that he knew her specifics off by heart. Yes, a gyrfalcon. Yes, 149cm wingspan, 2,013kg. Yes, I know she's impressive. Yes, she is beautiful. She had settled young, a conscious decision in Yang Hyunsuk's office as he had questioned her changeable nature during battle shinhwa. The small kestrel perched on the back of the CEO chair might have had some sway over Seungin's decision, but he hadn't minded at the time. Now, as he stood ready to meet the other trainees for the first time, he almost regretted it. Almost.

"We'll be fine," Seungin snapped impatiently, her voice betraying her own nerves. "Stop worrying. They're all older than us, they'll be so impressed that I've settled that they'll like us immediately." She clicked her beak commandingly, then flew to land on his shoulder, letting him reach up to stroke the soft feathers under her neck for a second. This was the brief comfort she allowed him before returning to her perch on the seat nearby. They waited, not speaking, as the clock ticked closer to one.

 

Exactly 12 seconds before it struck, 5 boys filed into the room, led by a scrawny looking teenager who must have been Jiyong, the only trainee to have a reputation that proceeded him. His dæmon flitted quickly into a bird form the second she saw Seungin, a type of eagle which was larger than any gyrfalcon. When Seungin did not show deference by transforming into a smaller form, Jiyong hissed and glared at Seunghyun, who tried to look respectful without losing ground.

The trainee standing to Jiyong's left, Seunghyun deduced, was Youngbae, the other half of GDYB; his dæmon padded silently around his legs in the form of an ocelot. Youngbae also had his eyes narrowed at Seunghyun, but more in curiosity than annoyance. On Jiyong's right, the tallest trainee maintained a look of bored disinterest, his own dæmon curled as a snake on his wrist and barely poking her head out from underneath the large hoodie he was wearing. Behind him, closer to the door, stood two slightly younger trainees, though Seunghyun knew they must be older than himself, one with a small greyish monkey on his shoulder. Whatever the other boy's dæmon was, he had kept it out of sight.

 

"Seunghyun, right?" Jiyong asked sharply, annoyance evident in his voice. He didn't wait for an answer as he gestured to the tall boy on his right. "This is already Seunghyun so you can be little Seunghyun. What do I call your dæmon?"

Ignoring the rudeness of Jiyong's tone and the hurt from Hyunsuk not telling him there was already a Seunghyun at YG, Seunghyun tried to answer quickly. "This is Seungin, she settled as a gyrfalcon a month ago. You must be Jiyong-ssi?"

Jiyong ignored the question. "Who cares? Youngbae's and Daesung's have settled too. C'mon, Jinsil." The eagle finally broke eye contact with Seungin and flew to his shoulder, landing as a blackbird. He stepped back and lent against the wall, studying his nails with no effort to hide his immediate distaste for Seunghyun, who was taken aback. Never before had he been hated on first sight. Youngbae watched Jiyong for a second before turning back.

"I'm Youngbae, and this is Dalbae." He said not unkindly, and Seunghyun bowed his head, seeing Seungin do the same out of the corner of his eye.

"Pleased to meet you, Youngbae-ssi, Dalbae-ssi," he replied politely, trying not to let his voice quaver. "Let's work hard together." He flinched as Jiyong snorted disdainfully, and Youngbae shot him a look of pity. The tall boy took out headphones that had been hidden by his hood and spoke shortly.

"Seunghyun, Gyeolshim." He said, gesturing to himself and his dæmon in turn. When Seunghyun replied with his own name, no surprise showed on his face and he replaced his headphones as soon as he had heard Seungin's name too. Next, the boy with no evident dæmon stepped forward and introduced himself as Hyunseung, then a small beetle as Seongjang. Seungri's voice was the smallest it had ever been as he replied and asked Hyunseung to look after him. However, before the last boy could talk, Jiyong spoke again.

"Daesung, show him to studio three in five minutes. Hyunseung, meet us there. Seunghyun and Youngbae, with me." He commanded, his authority leaving no room for argument. Seunghyun stared at the floor in a bow as four of the trainees filed out again and tried to take a big calming breath before realising there was no space in his lungs. He could hear Seungin's feathers rustling.

 

"Jiyong-hyung is okay really," came a kind voice before Seunghyun could talk himself into looking up. "He'll come around. Sit down, Seunghyun-ssi, we've got a couple minutes. As you heard, I'm Daesung, and this is Matchuda."

"Hello Daesung-ssi, Matchuda-ssi, thank you." He said simply. He watched as Matchuda climbed off Daesung's shoulder and slowly approached Seungin, the first to do so. She was used to being ignored when meeting new people because they didn't know how to react to a 14 year old boy with a bird of prey dæmon, but that didn't mean she enjoyed it. Gently, clearly asking permission, Matchuda held out a hand towards her wing and she quickly offered it, letting the monkey's small fingers brush her feathers lightly. Seunghyun felt like crying.

"She settled two years ago," Daesung offered gently. "When I decided to audition for YG. A spider monkey. Not as beautiful as a gyrfalcon or an ocelot, but an extra set of hands is always useful."

"Daesung-ssi-"

"Ah, please call me hyung, we'll become very close very quickly here. Sorry, go on."

"Thank you, Daesung-hyung. Why doesn't Jiyong-ssi like me?" He didn't realise how childish the question was until he voiced it aloud. He could feel annoyance radiating off Seungin, but then he might have been projecting.

"Don't take it personally, Seunghyun. He was like that with me and Hyunseung too. It's not really about you, it's... It's complicated, but keep being respectful and he'll come round. I've been here a few months and today's the first time I've heard him say my name without any annoyance."

"So how do you know he'll come round?"

Daesung sighed and stood up, conspicuously not answering. "We should go if we want to get to studio three on time. C'mon, we can think of your stage name on the way. If you want to debut, you'll have to have one with a name as common as Seunghyun." Matchuda jumped up onto his shoulder once more and Seungin hopped onto his own arm. "Then when we get there, you can show us what you've got. You ready?"

A spark of relief worked it's way into his heart. Performing, he knew, he understood. That's what he was here to do and that's what he would do for the rest of his life, whether Jiyong liked him or not. Seungin fluffed up her feathers and answered for him.

"Ready."

 

***

 

"Jiyong-ah... We have a problem..."

 

"Yes sajangnim?"

 

"It is not an easily solved problem... And it is now pressing, with your debut showcase being tomorrow."

 

"...sajangnim?"

 

As the silence stretched, Jiyong tried not to fidget, tried to hold Hyunsuk's gaze. At his wrist, curled as a snake the way Gyeolshim used to with Seunghyun before she had settled, Jinsil held level with the kestrel who's name no one ever knew. He tried again.

"Sajangnim, I'm not sure that I understand."

 

"It is the matter of Jinsilseong here..."

Jiyong's heart flew into his throat for a second, and immediately Jinsil dropped out of his sleeve, landing in a form indistinguishable from Seungin.

"Yes, that." Said Hyunsuk lazily, as if it had all been done as an illustration for his point. "We need him to settle, Jiyong."

A flash of annoyance spiked from both himself and Jinsil in response, and he tried to keep it out of his voice. "We have been trying sajangnim, but its not something that can be controlled."

"Not quite true."

Fear rose in Jiyong and Jinsil shrunk to a mouse, crawling back inside his sleeve. But Hyunsuk continued.

"If we were to pick a form for Jinsilseong tonight, say a big cat or a hawk, that could become the form Jinsilseong takes on stage. We tell the public that he has settled as such an animal and whenever he appears in public, he will take that form. No one need know that a 19 year old has yet to settle."

"So what about when he really does settle, what if he settles as something else? What do we tell the public then?"

Hyunsuk gave a rare smile, probably one he thought was reassuring. The kestrel looked away. "We tell them you have taken ill and have to cancel your schedule for a week or so. I'm sure you are aware that there are procedures available such that when you return, Jinsilseong can be just what the public believes him to be again." Jiyong felt like throwing up.

"But those procedures, sajangnim, I thought they were unsafe? Isn't there still a great risk associated with dæmon surgery? We heard of an SM trainee who tried to have it done when her dæmon settled as an orangutan and they got severed." Inside his sleeve, Jinsil shivered.

"That's because she went for a back alley job." Hyunsuk replied calmly. "If done properly, there is minimal risk and little trauma involved. If you want to talk about SM trainees, two of girl's generation only got to debut on the condition they undergo that surgery. Now, you and I both know it cannot come to that. Big bang was made for you and you alone can lead it. But if we could come to an agreement-"

"No." Jinsil reappeared and spoke, for the first time in his life, directly to Hyunsuk. "I refuse."

Mortified at the disrespect and childishness Jinsil was showing, Jiyong made a grab for his dæmon, who jumped from his reach, landing as a lion and straining at the bond, making Jiyong gasp. Hyunsuk stared at the teenager and his dæmon, expression unreadable for a few dragging seconds before he spoke, no change in the calm level of his voice.

"Very well. If you won't agree, I shan't make you." Jinsil immediately flew back as a hummingbird to Jiyong, who had fallen of his seat in relief as the pressure of the bond lifted. "But if you ever speak to me with such disrespect again, I shall make you regret it. Jiyong, you must learn to control your dæmon."

Face burning, he nodded, still holding Jinsil close as he moved back to sit on the sofa he had fallen from.

"So this moves us back to the original problem." Hyunsuk spoke conversationally, as if nothing more unsavoury than the weather was being discussed. As it was not, in fact, the weather but instead Jinsil being discussed, this bristled.

"Sajangnim, I don't see why we have to do anything. Other people have debuted with unsettled dæmons before."

"Yes, but people younger than yourself. Not leaders of groups where every other dæmon is settled, and not people with same-sex dæmons. All of these things project an image Jiyong. Jinsilseong is only going to harm your chances even once he has settled, and not just your chances now but all of big bang's." Hyunsuk said bluntly. Jiyong was suddenly angrier than he'd ever been, more than he had ever been during dance practise or when Seunghyun had been stroppy or when Seungri had been cut. Jinsil was a scorpion.

"Sajangnim, Matchuda is a spider monkey. Seunghyun-hyung cannot dance, he is physically incapable of dancing. Seungri's voice is off pitch more often than it is on. Daesung is the ugliest boy I have ever met. Youngbae can't look at the female dancers without blushing and Seungri can't stop looking at the female dancers. Seunghyun has never been on time for a rehearsal, Seungin draws more attention than the five of us combined, and Jinsilseong hasn't settled yet. Daesung says SM are preparing a new not group for two years time, if you want to start again with a set of perfect male trainees, you have time. I'm sure that group will have only perfect idol members." Dimly, he recognised a rushing in his ears and he felt Jinsil grip his shoulder tighter. Until this moment, he had not known how desperately he wanted all five of them to debut together, and he didn't know when that had really started but it felt as though it had always been there under the surface. All he could hear was the waterfall and all he could feel was Jinsil's weight on his shoulder. "But you said you wanted us to be a group based on talent. Youngbae is the perfect rnb star. When Seunghyun raps, his dancing doesn't matter. Daesung is the best singer I've ever heard, and Chuda is the best for variety. When Seungri dances, Seungin is the last thing you'd notice. My songs are good, and Jinsil helps me write them. That's what big bang is. With respect sajangnim, it's all we will ever be."

 

The rushing noise in his ears died out as the longest silence Jiyong had ever experienced in this room played out. No one moved or spoke.

 

"Very well." Hyunsuk said finally, expression bored. "You are dismissed. Sleep well Jiyong, Jinsilseong, you have a big day tomorrow." He looked down at his laptop and returned to work as Jiyong awkwardly bowed, catching Jinsil as he fell from his perch on Jiyong's shoulder, and left the room. Outside, a manager was waiting, asleep until he shook her.

"Oh, done already? That was quick. Come on, let's get you home." She said distractedly. Her borzoi dæmon yawned. "That's a new form, I've never seen Jinsil as a scorpion before."

Jiyong held him up to study in the evening light. He had fat claws and a thick, dangerous-looking tail. "Emperor scorpion I think." Jiyong announced, recognising the species from one of his late night library sessions to try and discover what Jinsil's final form could be. "They glow blue under ultraviolet lights."

"Sounds cool," said the manager distractedly as she pushed the floor number in the lift. "Very impressive."

"They're used a lot in films." He remembered. Jinsil clicked his pincers in a poor imitation of the jaws theme. The manager giggled.

"Good party trick," she smiled as the elevator came to a halt. "Would be useful on variety."

"I think Daesung and Seungri have that covered," he smiled back as they exited through the lobby and came to the big van waiting outside. "I'm more of a listener than a talker really." As he climbed in, his foot caught and Jinsil fell from his grip. The second before he hit the floor, a bluebird took the scorpion's place and Jinsil flew back up to his shoulder.

"Yeesh, would taking care of your dæmon kill you huh?" Jinsil asked disapprovingly. "Gyeolshim gets her fur combed twice daily."

"That's because Seunghyun is a vain bastard," he replied. "A little peril is character building." And with that, he put in his headphones, ready to be home already. It was his birthday, after all.

 

***

 

"Hyung... Oh my God hyung, fuck..."

Seunghyun pulled back a little to laugh, his voice an octave lower than usual. "You kiss your mother with that mouth? Does Youngbae know you swear like a-"

"Shut up, just, fuck, Seunghyun!" Daesung was pushy in sex in a way he never acted otherwise, demanding and unapologetic, grabbing Seunghyun's hair and pulling him back to his dick. Seunghyun loved it. He felt himself get impossibly harder as he hollowed his cheeks and hummed around the thick weight on his tongue. From the noises Daesung gave in response, it turned out practise really did make perfect.

"Shit, Seunghyun I'm gunna come, fuck hyung, fuck!" Seunghyun pulled away and started pumping him with his hand instead, and Daesung was as vocal as Matchuda was speechless as Seunghyun worked him though his orgasm. Daesung's newly grey hair stuck to his skin where his head came to rest heavy on his shoulder, panting, and Seunghyun felt strong hands grip at his back in a phantom sensation mirroring Matchuda's grip on Gyeolshim. As Daesung finally grew still and quiet in his arms, Seunghyun's hips rutted upwards against his will, pushing against Daesung's thigh between his own.

"Someone's eager." Matchuda said teasingly, voice hoarse. Seunghyun felt her hands scrape down Gyeolshim's spine and they let out an involuntary moan in harmony, the contact electric against their heightened senses. When Daesung kissed him, Seunghyun swore he saw the kiss though Gyeolshim's eyes, distorted to fit the way a lynx sees the world, and Daesung looked like a god. His hips worked in sporadic thrusts of their own accord.

"That's it hyung," Daesung murmured against his lips, "you look so beautiful like this, so desperate for us." He shifted to pull Seunghyun up onto his thigh and guide him into a rolling rhythm so they were moving together. It was no more sophisticated than teenagers rutting on a couch, but they were barely past that age anyway so felt no shame in it. Daesung's mouth fell open lazily as Seunghyun hungrily pushed his tongue forward, trying frantically to chase as much sensation of Daesung as he could. Next to them, Matchuda's tail tangled with Gyeolshim's, and at the points where their fur touched, one shade of greyish gold was indistinguishable from another. It was that sight that sent Seunghyun over the edge, no less potent for its familiarity.

 

"Jesus, Dae..." He breathed out once the waves of pleasure had subsided. Gyeolshim nuzzled Matchuda lovingly where she had curled up between her front legs.

"Does Youngbae know you tale the lord's name in vain, hyung?" Daesung asked cheekily, then shoved at his chest. "Come on, off and then I can clean us up."

Still dazed, Seunghyun fell back into the plush hotel pillows, one hand coming to rest on Gyeolshim's back and eyes falling shut. He hummed in muted pleasure when Daesung came back and cleaned the stickiness off his stomach, throwing dirtied tissues into the nearest bin. A kiss was pressed to his stomach once it was dry, and he opened one eye to watch Daesung put the tissue box back in the bathroom. As he returned to the bed, Seunghyun held up a hand to stop him from getting in, sitting up properly.

"What do we have here?" He asked smugly, and bent down to press a small kiss to each of the three hickeys he could see forming at the inside of Daesung's toned thighs. He was met with giggles and, when he sat up, a loving kiss. Then, Daesung slid into bed next to him, ignoring the empty side in favour of flopping directly onto Seunghyun's chest.

"Good night hyung," he said sleepily. "Sleep well 'Chu, 'Shim-ah." His sentiments were echoed back to him and Seunghyun felt him smile against his neck. They all knew what he really meant. London twinkled frostily outside the window, and Seunghyun was glad, not for the first time, that Daesung always ran a little hot.

 

***

 

"They're here." Announced Dalbae softly, her superior hearing picking up the sound of car tyres on the pavement outside the apartment block far before Youngbae's own did. "His driving isn't erratic..."

"That doesn't mean much, he's good at hiding it." Youngbae replied. "Keep watching Jinsil, he's more likely to slip up."

"I know Youngbae," she chided gently, placing a comforting paw on his arm. "I've been doing this just as long as you have. If nothing else, I can sometimes smell it on them if they're not being careful."

The lock rattled as Jiyong struggled to get his key in; that wasn't a good sign. He'd had a let to Youngbae's apartment for years now, he knew how to get it in the lock. Youngbae got up and opened the door himself to reveal a barefaced Jiyong in big frame sunglasses, Jinsil a fox by his side.

"Youngbae-ah, hi," he grinned brightly. "Dalbae."

"Happy birthday." Youngbae said tentatively, stepping aside to let them in, trying to distinguish the details of Jiyong's eyes through the tinted glass. "28, that's big." He was met with a hug as Jiyong stepped through the door, thin arms gripping with the strength their size never betrayed.

"I'm an ahjussi now Youngbae. Catch me before the arthritis takes my legs." His breath betrayed no hint of alcohol, his clothes no sickling scent of dope. There was no grinding of his teeth like he did when he took ecstasy, and Jinsil hadn't changed once so far, ruling out cocaine. So far he'd passed all the tests, he might even be clean.

"I don't think that's what arthritis does, Jiyong," Youngbae smiled as he carried Jiyong to the sofa anyway, "but I'd be happily proved wrong."

"No, it does." Sighed Jinsil dramatically, draping himself around Dalbae's neck as a small snake. "We googled it. It's too late to save us now, we may never dance again."

"Yah, you drama queens, its nothing." Replied Dalbae impatiently, expertly shrugging Jinsil off.

"And if you never danced again, you'd be doing us all a favour." Youngbae got a punch to the arm for that remark. Jiyong turned away as he took off his glasses, but Dalbae could see from where she was sitting. Minutely, she shook her head at him. Relief flooded his body; it seemed Jiyong really was clean. "Honestly man, happy birthday. Both of you. Your presents are just here, if you want to open them?"

 

Jiyong grinned like a kid as he tore off the wrapping, and Jinsil transformed into a copy of Matchuda to open his own. The chrome hearts set Youngbae had had commissioned for them was pretty cool, even if he did say so himself. Dalbae's idea of course. Jiyong gasped when he saw his pieces, pulling on the rings and holding them up to the light, then running to the mirror to try out the matching earrings.

"Bae, you utter bastards, I love them." He crowed. Jinsil finally got the wrapping off his to reveal a matching set of earrings, evidently for a cat or canine of some sort. When Jiyong noticed them, he fell quiet, sharing an inscrutable look with his dæmon.

Nervously, Youngbae explained, although he was not sure what was wrong. "We thought, since you said you wanted to promote zutter as a wolf, Jinsil, that earrings would work well. Prominent and on display, but not a collar." Dalbae shot a look at him as his remarks fell on deaf ears, and he trailed off.

 

Heavily, Jiyong sat back down and Jinsil flew into his lap as a hummingbird. He looked down at his dæmon as if he couldn't meet Youngbae's eyes, and Youngbae knew that whatever he said next was the real reason he had come, not just birthday celebrations.

"We want to settle, Bae." Jiyong almost whispered the wish, his voice showing his exhaustion for the first time; flying back and forth from China was really taking a toll on them both. "The world record is held by a guy in Canada who was 27 years and 2 months old when his dæmon settled. If we work out my age the American way, he's only got weeks on me. I don't want that Youngbae, we're tired of being that."

Youngbae was at a loss. Any comfort he could offer would have already crossed Jiyong's mind. It was one of the perils of being too close to someone. Helpless, he looked at Dalbae and saw her look at Jinsil with such fondness that his heart lifted a little despite it all. He loved knowing her and knowing who he was through her, and as she looked back at him, they both knew what to do.

 

Jiyong was still staring down at Jinsil, who was now a white marten, soft in his hands. Youngbae moved to kneel in front of him, sitting on his own legs on the hard wooden floor. Unnoticed, Dalbae hopped up onto the sofa in his place. He put his hands on Jiyong's knees, who finally made eye contact with him again.

"I want to know who I am." Jiyong spoke as if admitting a great shame or a deep secret. He spoke the way he had when they were 14 and he was admitting that he maybe liked boys too. He spoke the way he had when he was 18 and was confessing to getting high for the first time, the way he had when he was 21 and his drink had been spiked, the way he had when he was 24 and realised he had an addiction. He spoke the way he could never speak to anyone else because they'd misunderstand.

"You already do." Youngbae replied simply. "You know who you are, both of you know who you are and who the other is. So do I, so do we." He felt a strange tug on his heart as Dalbae flicked her tail against Jiyong's arm.

"It's not complicated Jiyong." She said, her voice quiet. Jiyong looked at her with wonder and moved to put a hand on her head before stopping a few inches short, as if asking permission. She closed the gap herself and Youngbae could feel Jiyong's fingers scratching between her ears, down her back. It wasn't altogether unpleasant, just a little unsettling. The next move was a simple one, obvious. On Jiyong's lap, Jinsil stared at his outstretched hand for a long moment, one seemingly unnoticed by Jiyong and Dalbae. The phantom sensations feeding through their bond were distracting to say the least, but Youngbae held his ground. He knew this was important.

 

Slowly, Jinsil stretched out inch by inch to touch his nose to Youngbae's index finger. The second he made contact, Jiyong gave an involuntary noise, half way between a gasp and a moan, and his eyes turned to Jinsil in shock. As Youngbae began to run one hand down Jinsil's side, he felt Jiyong staring at him; as he looked up to meet the gaze, he saw Jiyong's eyes glass over and felt his grip tighten on Dalbae's fur. Jinsil flowed gracefully from Jiyong's lap onto his own and relaxed into the massage Youngbae gave him.

 

It was minutes later when he looked up again, stirred from the rhythm of stroking he had fallen into by a soft call of his name by Dalhee. Both she and Jiyong were watching him and Jinsil, and they looked as peaceful as he felt. His hands stilled.

"I'm settled." Came Jinsil's voice, quiet and then more excited. "Jiyong, we've settled." His words seemed to pull Jiyong from his trance, and he blinked once, twice, three times before sitting up, an almost comically shocked expression on his face.

"Bullshit, come here, like fuck have you settled," he said, awed. "Have you really? Oh, Jinsil..." Jinsil flowed into his open arms, moving like water over stones. He sat up and placed his tiny hands on Jiyong's face.

"A Japanese marten, right?" Jinsil's voice sounded like it was barely containing tears. "Who'd have guessed, huh? Look, I'm pretty."

A noise was torn from Jiyong's throat, half way between a sob and a laugh, as he cradled Jinsil in his arms. "You're beautiful, Jinsilseong, so beautiful. This is real isn't it? You're actually settled? Oh, Jinsil..." Silently, Dalbae padded to Youngbae's side and lent against his leg. She radiated the same proud joy he felt in his own heart as he tangled his fingers in her tail. Time stretched.

"Happy birthday, guys." He spoke once he judged the moment to have passed, and at his words, Jiyong and Jinsil moved as one. Jinsil tackled Dalbae into a hug, brushing past Youngbae's knee as he passed and sending a shock of electricity up his spine. Jiyong tackled Youngbae, pushing him back to the floor and holding him tightly.

"I love you, Dong Youngbae." He whispered fervently, and kissed him sharply. It was not the first time they'd ever kissed, but Youngbae knew this one was different. The taste of cigarette ash lingered, and he knew Jiyong was clean tonight. He never smoked when he had more interesting drugs to play with. His arms tightened around his best friend's shoulders, and he felt Jinsil nuzzling Dalbae somewhere on his right. He thought the tenderness it left in his heart was like a bruise that would never go away, but he would cherish it forever.

**Author's Note:**

> I had to fudge the dates for this a little just to fit the story arc better, sorry haha ~ credit for the title and shameless stolen last sentence to Phillips Pullman's His Dark Materials series , which I hope u will read if u haven't already
> 
> I had a real struggle deciding what Jiyong's dæmon would be , and if anyone has alternate suggestions for any of my choices here I'd be so happy to hear them ^^ I also put a lot of thought into naming their dæmons, and if anyone cares to google them to find out why, I'll put them in hangul below for u :
> 
> Daesung's spider monkey 맞추다  
> Jiyong's Japanese marten 진실성  
> Seunghyun's Eurasian lynx 결신  
> Seungri's gyrfalcon 승인  
> Youngbae's ocelot 달배
> 
> Thank u for reading !


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